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‘Tis the season! Soon, the season will be in full swing. Calendars filled with holiday parties. Cups filled with coquito. Cute pics in matching pajamas…oh wait. Not if you’re single as a pringle! Don’t fret! This guide will show you how to stay sane and even be happy at Christmas as a single woman. 

How to Feel Less Alone At Christmas as a Single Woman

Even if you are happy and thriving in your life, the holidays, and perhaps the hopes you had for them, can bring out all kinds of feels. So what’s the strategy when you are sans a plus one? Here are 6 things you can do to stay sane through the holiday season. 

Embrace being single at Christmas by placing yourself at the top of your list!

Gifts aren’t just for the others on your list. Treat yo’ self! After all, you are worthy to be celebrated. No matching PJs on deck this year? Indulge in a luxurious pair just for you. Satin? (paid link) Feathers? Cashmere? Pick something that you can feel fabulous in relaxing on the couch on a Friday night. After all, you don't have to share the remote with anyone and can watch what you please. PJs not your thing? Maybe it’s the fancy bath salts (paid link) or the nice bottle of whiskey. And who says gifts have to be things? Treating yourself could also be getting a massage, taking yourself out to a decadent meal, or booking a winter getaway. Do you, boo!

Simplify, simplify, simplify

Working. Errands. Parties. And now gift shopping? What can you do to automate or simplify things in your life? Do you order the same protein powder (paid link) from Amazon every month? Girl, get that on Subscribe & Save and let it show up to your door without thought! Have to pick up toilet paper from Target? Take your list and see what gifts you can also grab while you’re there. Better yet - order online! Typically, anything over $35 comes with free shipping. So that not only saves you precious time, but also from draining that gas tank. And with gas prices these days…winning! Overwhelmed with laundry or cleaning? If you can afford it - outsource! Because your sanity is priceless. Also, a number of services offer a first time user deal, so it’s a great time to explore. 

Take a break 

Sometimes all you need is 5. Take a time out. Breathe. Say a word of gratitude. Lay on the earth and ground yourself. Personally, I’m a fan of the 5 minute meditations on the Peloton app. I’m a Chelsea Jackson Roberts fan (IYKYK). Something about her soothing voice will have me relaxed, grateful, and feeling courageous in a matter of minutes. And in the hustle and bustle of the season, connecting back to myself is restorative.

Write out all those feelings about being single at Christmas

Writing has always been my favorite strategy for getting things out. Whether that is releasing negative feelings or frustrations or documenting my next big idea. Consider putting things on paper to gain perspective. So often we think we have to wait for the beginning of the year to start fresh, but why wish the year away? There’s still life to be lived, even in this season, so grab a cute journal (paid link), reflect on right now, and rewrite those intrusive thoughts with some positive affirmations. Because you don’t need to be bound to who you used to be. 

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Just say no! 

The most powerful way to stay sane is to just say no. Certain make you feel lonely because you’re single at Christmas? You know you don’t have to watch them, right? Family members commenting on your relationship status, job, weight, or anything else you aren’t comfortable with? Tell them to pump the breaks and stop the conversation. Sometimes you might even have to say no to the good things, girlfriend. That party you were excited about? If you can’t even keep your eyes open, listen to your body, say no, and rest. When the holiday season is giving “team too much,” your no is your most powerful asset. 

Focus on what matters most 

At the end of the day, this season is supposed to be about celebration, quality time, joy, and most of all, love. And while you may not have a boo to sip hot chocolate with by the fire this year, you can still do all those things and find your happiness at Christmas.

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Arguing with your partner is part of a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be dramatic. So, how do you fight fair with your significant other? Drs. Bob & Judith Wright, relationship experts and co-authors of “The Heart of the Fight,” dish on how to argue with your significant other without harming the relationship for good.

Don’t focus on the negative. 

It’s difficult to argue with your love and take responsibility for your part in the mess. I mean, you’re perfect, right? Wrong. Drs. Bob and Judith recommend minimizing the negative. In other words, don’t fight with a nasty attitude, or worse — nasty words you can’t take back. 

“Minimize the destructive, contemptuous fighting tactics like blaming, attacking, name-calling, sarcasm, and mocking,” the duo suggested. “No fight is perfect, but low blows don’t get you anywhere.”

Be vulnerable. 

If you’re constantly arguing with your partner, there are probably pent-up feelings that aren’t being addressed. Often, arguing about the overflowing garbage has more to do with feeling underappreciated than the actual garbage. So, when discussing the matter, share your true feelings. 

“Be open, vulnerable, genuine, and truthful, and tell your partner why they truly matter to you.”

It takes two to tango. 

Issues in a relationship are never just one person’s fault. To ensure accountability, the Wright’s recommend to “never take or give more than 50% of the blame.” It may not be easy, but you’ll have much more productive disagreements. 

They can’t read your mind.  

Last I checked, bae isn’t Tyle Henry from Hollywood Medium. Take responsibility for your own happiness and be clear about what you want and need in your relationship, especially when dealing with constant conflict. If you want something specific in your relationship, ask for it. 

Acknowledge the truth. 

“Any time your partner says something truthful, acknowledge it,” the Wrights advise. Thank them for their honesty and make sure to validate their feelings. 

“Practice saying, ‘You’re right…Good point…Hadn’t thought of it that way…’” And if you are wrong, admit it as well.

Fight for your relationship.

Instead of fighting against your significant other, go into an argument fighting for your relationship, if you wish to stay in it. 

What does that look like exactly? Drs. Judith and Bob suggest asking yourself the following questions: what are you fighting for? Do you want to be heard, affirmed, or to matter? Do you want to be closer? Get a certain result? 

When you know why you’re duking it out it’s much easier to find a solution.

Assume goodwill. 

If you’re in a loving relationship and constantly arguing, that doesn’t mean the love is gone. Assume that of your partner. Don’t go into a verbal fight with ill intentions. Sure, you may be angry and say something hurtful, but if you’re aware enough and approach communication with goodwill, honesty, and positivity, the argument will be resolved much more quickly and positively. 

In the end, resolving the issues in your relationship is what truly matters. If you learn to fight fair, you just might have a happy ending without unnecessary fireworks. 

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If you are like me and love escaping with some trash TV, you’ve been glued to this season of Love is Blind! While we know these shows are edited and not completely real, there is still a ton we can learn and apply to our own dating and relationship experiences. Especially once the conversations go beyond “what’s your favorite color?” and “we must be a match since our grandmothers have the same name!”  Here are a few of my takeaways based on the most recent season. (Beware: spoilers!) 

Values alignment is crucial. Marisa and Ramses were having a great time in the pods and in Mexico! Vibes on vibes. Energy matching. But when the conversations got real, they uncovered some realities and differences in values. Marisa is a proud veteran and Ramses has moral reasons for not supporting the military. It was definitely a point of contention. Whether it’s your perspectives on war, your feelings about family, or another deeply held conviction, alignment is important for long-lasting relationships. 

Attraction is still important. Yes, you can connect deeply with someone as a human. And even develop strong feelings! (Who am I to say that isn’t love?!) And maybe they aren’t your typical “type.” (We see that with our faves, Lauren and Cam, from season 1)  But with only a week of connection under your belt and you have the ‘ick,’ then it’s probably a no for you, dawg. It may be with pausing and reflecting, but as we saw with Brittany and Leo, it was not meant to be. 

Be you, all of you, boo. Honesty is crucial! Better to be rejected for being your full self with all of your flaws and realities in your life than loved for a facade. I’m looking at you, Tyler!!! My guy. So far it’s worked, but not without a lot of emotional harm to Ashley. I can imagine if he had been honest from the beginning that they still may have ended up together without the baggage of his version of the truth about his children. (Do we think they will still be together at the reunion?!”) All that to say: keep being you. 

Communicate clearly, but kindly. Y’all. Hannah. It’s clear she is accomplished. She takes care of herself and holds it down at home for herself. That’s a great thing! But making Nick feel bad (even though the man had some growing up to do!) wasn’t a kind way to be a partner! This doesn’t mean everything is bliss. Sometimes you have to have tough conversations. But clear and kind communication (thanks Brene Brown!) and collaboration are key if you are meant to be. 

Love takes time. Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s also an action. And it takes time to evolve, unfold, and develop. I’d love to see what would happen if we flipped the script and let them go to the altar a year later. After all four seasons, navigating holidays, birthdays, workloads, and more. But accelerated timelines and drama make for amazing TV, so we will just have to take our time in real life. 

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It’s easy to get wrapped up in the lust of it all when you’re dating someone new. You feel butterflies in your tummy and jump straight into a relationship before discussing relationship matters. You know that he wants kids, but what is his parenting style? He has a great job with benefits, but has he shared his ideals regarding money and partnership? Do you know his values, desires, and priorities? 

To help you decide whether your new potential bae is a match for you, we tapped into our pool of relationship therapists and asked them to share dating questions to ask him.

17 Dating Questions to Ask Him, According to Therapists

What’s your relationship like with your parents/family?

What do his parents have to do with it? In my experience, everything. Kimia Anderson, AMFT and primary therapist at Alter Health Group, suggests digging into his family dynamics because “it’s a great way to get to know someone’s background, what they value, and how they’re going to interact with their future family if that’s what you want to create with them.”

How do you like to spend your weekends or days off?

You like to go to brunch on Sundays (bottomless mimosas for the win!), he likes to stay in and lounge (he’s a homebody after all). This may not bode well for your future happiness. Learning how he likes to spend time off is a great dating question to ask him, as it gives you insight into his lifestyle preferences. 

“This will be good to know if their type of personality will fit yours, or if their personality will challenge yours,” Anderson shared. “If they like to be busy and active or if they like to rest and stay in, what best fits your lifestyle? Do you want someone to match you or challenge you? Neither are wrong answers!”

What is your love language?

According to Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist, Katheryn Perez, discovering your new love interest's love language can help you understand and unmask his needs. When you know his love language, you’ll understand how he needs to be loved. 

Not sure what a love language is? Grab Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, to discover yours and his. 

Do you have anything you’re working on that you’re passionate about?

We are more than our 9-5, which is why it’s important to know if he is working on a side project, business, or anything else he’s passionate about. “This is a great opportunity for you to learn about what is important to that other person for many reasons,” Anderson said, “this could be something you remember and ask about in the future, which could make him happy you remembered something important to him.” This is a great dating question to ask because it offers a window into what he values and what else he does with his time.

Who are the most important people in your life? 

When you discover the most important people in his life, you’ll know who to impress. This makes the list of questions to ask when dating someone new because you’ll probably be around his VIP members. Also, they say birds of a feather flock together. Those that are essential in his life might reveal a lot about his personality and beliefs. 

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What was your last relationship missing and/or needing?

Talking about exes can be tricky if you don’t ask the right questions and dwell on the wrong things. However, if you don’t ask for details about his last relationship, you’ll miss out on discovering what was lacking and what he needs to be fulfilled in a relationship. 

“This can be challenging to ask and even answer,” Kimina added, “but it’s okay to reflect and learn about what you’re looking for to be different this time.” 

What is your attachment style? 

Developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth and psychiatrist John Bowlby, our attachment style reveals how we relate and connect with others in relationships. Our attachment style is shaped in early childhood due to our relationships with our parents. There are four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. The healthiest attachment is “secure,” where a person in a relationship feels they can trust their partner and can accept love easily. So, do some research and discuss attachment styles. A good book to start with is Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep--Love. 

What is your favorite way to relax, de-stress or have fun?

For a light approach, ask what his hobbies are and discover if you share mutual interests. Sharing mutual interests with your partner can be a lot of fun, as you can enjoy activities together. This question is also a great way to discover if “the person is energized by being around people or taking time for themselves,” said Anderson. 

Do you have any pet peeves?

Pet peeves may seem trivial, but if you have enough of them, according to your partner, it can kill a relationship. A great question to ask when dating someone new, knowing his pet peeves gives “great insight into how people think and what challenges them.” It can also reveal any issues with compatibility. 

What is your relationship with money?

Did you know that most marriages end in divorce because of money? Whether you’re as rich as Oprah or struggling with the rest of the middle class, how we view money, spend money, and the value that we give money affects gender roles, relationship finances, and #couplegoals. 

If he’s a big spender and you like to save, how do you reconcile that difference? If you want to raise your kids and work part-time and he wants the kids in daycare so you can work, will you feel resentful? If you believe that sharing is caring and he wants to split everything 50/50, are you insulted or do you accept it without an issue? Money makes the world go round, so make sure you discuss the mighty dollar before committing. 

How would you describe yourself?

This can open the door to a lot of different conversations and show you how they think about themselves. Are they self-critical? Is his ego showing? Do your personalities match? Is this even what you’re looking for?

This list of dating questions to ask him is a great place to start! If you want to dig deeper (maybe do so when you’ve gone through the first 10!), you can also ask the following questions: 

• Who is part of your support system?

• What or who do you value the most in life?

• When are you expecting from your partner?

• What is something you are not willing to compromise on?

• How do you handle conflict or difficult conversations?

• What is your stance on religion, politics, and current social issues?

Now, go forth and discuss! Make sure to listen to what he has to say. Assume nothing. If you like what you hear and have similar answers, he might be worth more than a makeout sesh. So, take a pen and paper (or just share this article with your boo) and start talking! 

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Even though September 22 is technically the change of season from summer to fall, the unofficial transition for so many of us happens to be Labor Day weekend. As the days get shorter and beach days are traded for bonfires, it might be time to think about some fun fall dates! 

Whether you are riding solo, have a new boo, or are long established in a relationship, here are a few ideas to jump start your dating life for fall - and how to look cute doing it!

Try a new chili or soup recipe 

If you are feeling the urge to cozy up at home, why not warm up with a bowl of something tasty? Fall is perfect for a steaming bowl of chili or a hearty soup. Experiment with spices and flavors to keep it interesting. 

Sample a flight of pumpkin beers 

‘Tis the season of autumnal flavors with pumpkin being one of the favorites! There are a lot of pumpkin beers on the market, so why not buy a sampler and have your own taste test! 

Want to be cute while you are curled up at home? I love this chic little sweater set - which is also an excellent choice for fall travel. 

Apple picking 

Nothing is more quintessential fall than grabbing a basket and picking some apples! No matter where you live, at least in the U.S., you should be able to find an opportunity to do so within a couple of hours. And, if you want to keep the date going, consider baking a pie together with your bounty! 

Picnic in the park 

The air may be crisp, but it is likely not too cold to be outdoors for an afternoon. Grab some of your favorite snacks, some vino, and a blanket and head to a local park for a picnic. Enjoy some people watching or consider one of these card decks to get the conversations flowing.

See a sporting event 

Fall is prime time for sports - and not just football! In many places, you can still enjoy the end of women’s basketball season, baseball, soccer, and more. And you don’t just have to attend for a major league team to have major fun! Check out minor leagues, or heck, even your local high school and cozy up cheering for the home team! 

If you are going to be sitting in the grass or the stands, or moving around a bit more, here is a fit with some versatility. I love a cute bodysuit to give an elevated look with an on trend jean, and a shacket for the chill in the air. 

Games by the fireplace 

Nothing screams romance like a crackling fire! If you don’t have one at home, never fear! Depending on where you live, a number of bars will have fireplaces ablaze to keep the vibes going. Many often have games, too. Bust out the playing cards or another game for two. 

Pumpkin Spice coffee crawl

Whether you are team pumpkin spice (or perhaps salted caramel, like me), chances are many of the local coffee shops in your area are serving the flavors of fall. Why not take your taste test on the road and determine the best one? 

ALSO READ: 12 Best Budget Solo Date Ideas to Deepen Your Self-Love in 2024

Donut tour

Coffee drinks not your thing? Why not do a donut tour! Apple cider donuts are in abundance in the fall, so use the chance to explore your area while enjoying sweet treats with your sweetie. 

Create your own candle 

I recently had the best time making a custom candle at a birthday party! This is the perfect activity for a solo date or one with a partner. Explore different blends that will keep your home smelling fresh, floral, warm, or woodsy. Curate the vibes you want for your date nights at home.

Pro-tip: Eventbrite is a fantastic place to search for events like this (and more!) in your local area. 

Wander around a museum or art gallery

Take in some culture together! Find a local museum or art gallery to check out the latest exhibit. Hold hands as you meander and discuss your thoughts and perspectives. 

Now, what to wear? Since you’ll likely be moving between indoors and outdoors and not quite as active, you can go with something like this two piece sweater set or this hoodie dress.

Spa Day

If you are looking to splurge, why not warm up at the spa? In addition to services like massages, scrubs, and facials, a number of spas have heated pools and / or heated therapeutic rooms where you can relax and rejuvenate together. 

Take a hike 

Get some fresh air, see the changing leaves, and have plenty of opportunities for good conversation on a hike - or even a walk if there aren’t places conducive for hiking where you live. Nothing like exercise to get the endorphins going! 

Let us know your favorites in the comments! And why not share with your special someone to get some fun fall dates on the books!

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From how to sit when wearing a skirt to how to put on lipstick or rock natural hair, mothers often guide their daughters on all things love and life. Especially when we don’t ask for their “words of wisdom!” 

My mom may not have taught me how to shave my armpits or how to establish boundaries with men (in all fairness, she didn’t know how to do that either), but she did teach me how to love fiercely and stand tall - literally. I have Mami to thank for my amazing posture and for how I take care of those that I love. 

When it comes to sex, however, Mami, like many traditional Latinx moms, steered as far away from said topic as possible. What about other fellow BIPOC women? Is this a common experience? I asked what their mommas taught them about sex. A few shared their stories. 

5 Things Our Mommas Taught Us About Sex

Use it or lose it…but don’t lose it too soon.

According to Siri, 41, from Orlando, she “had to stay a ‘señorita’” (virgin) for as long as possible. However, once sexually active, she had to get her freak on, so to speak. “I'd hear my mom and my dad say, ‘Use it or lose it!’ What. In. The. World?! I didn’t understand them!” We can only assume that her mother wanted her to remain pure…but not to become an old maid.

Protect yo self. 

One loving mother drilled one thing into her daughter's head — protect yourself! Aside from condom use, Katey’s mom wanted her and her sister to be prepared for sex wherever and whenever it went down. “One time she looked at me and my sister after a few glasses of wine and said, ‘Girls, if you ever park with a boy on a hill, don't forget to set the emergency brake!’” Katey, 38, from San Francisco, shared. Safety first, ladies!

Messy drunk ain’t sexy. 

Mami lectured me about my drinking too much when in the company of a man. There’s nothing worse than a woman “que anda boracha en la calle,” Mami warned. Translation: a drunk woman is a messy woman. She also warned of the dangers of drinking too much so as not to lose control and be taken advantage of. True that, Mami. 

Sex should be fun. 

“I’m not uncomfortable talking about sex because my mom was really open,” Jasmine, 40, from New York, said. She remembers how often her late mother would complain about men who couldn’t get it up and how unsatisfied she was sexually. “So sex has never been a taboo topic,” she shared. In fact, with her loud talk about sex toys, positions, and blow jobs, Jasmine is a lot like her late mother.

ALSO READ: How to Make Doggy Style More Romantic

Never speak about sex — ever.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have Bianca, a 26-year-old New Yorker with old-school Puerto Rican parents who believe in keeping all things sex mum. “I said the word sex one time and got a tap on the lip and told to never speak of that,” she said, “so I don't.” 

Now that Bianca is an adult, her mother tries to joke with her about sex once in a while, but the damage has been done. “It makes me feel ashamed.” Unfortunately, not being able to speak openly about intercourse led Bianca to learn about it from the outside world. “I had to teach myself and that was harmful. I don't want that for my future daughter.”

So, ladies, let’s strip away the shame that comes with sex and embrace the ways of  Jasmine and Katey’s mommas. Talk about sex, challenge taboos, and never ever shy away from questions, even if said questions knock you off balance. 

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8 of the Silliest Reasons to Stop Dating a Guy

Many women complain about the state of dating, and with good reason. Have you been on Bumble, Facebook Dating, Match, Tinder, and whatever other dating app is out there? It’s hard to meet someone of quality in these streets. Especially if you know what you want. Or, are we just being too picky?

Case in point: your girl right here. I have a checklist of qualities that I desire in a man. And I ain’t settling! However, there was a time when my dealbreakers were frivolous. I had to ask myself, does it really matter if he’s 6 foot 2? I am only 5 foot 2. A shorter boo can do! 

If you can relate to sabotaging a good thing over silly grounds, read on. Here are some of the silliest reasons to stop dating a guy:

A ridiculous tattoo

Tattoos can be addictive. If your man already has one, there’s a slight chance he’ll get more ink. But what if he gets a tattoo of a penis? It better be on his inner thigh or shoulder! He can cover up with a long-sleeve shirt or long pants. And he better not wear a tank top or shorts again!

Feminine ways

I once went on a date with a guy who swayed his hips when he walked. I was immediately turned off and decided never to see him again. He called and asked for an explanation. I lied and told him there was no chemistry. I know, it was awful of me. So don’t do what I did!

Mommas boy 

With some men, it feels like they’re still attached to an umbilical cord. That’s still no reason to dump him. As long as you’re his priority (and he doesn’t live in her basement) he can accompany his mother to doctor’s appointments, eat her leftovers, and call her three times a day. 

An unkempt apartment

A messy man is a mess to deal with, but it’s also something you can work with. Teach him how to organize, how to put away his clothes, and how to throw his dirty socks in the laundry basket. Or just have him hire a maid so you don’t have to do his dirty work! 

Metrosexual habits

Some men are really into their appearance and believe in looking and smelling their best — cuticles and all. Count your lucky stars that he doesn’t have a dirty nail bed. He touches you down there with those hands! 

A small penis

A man with a small penis can still satisfy you. As a matter of fact, the clitoris has more nerve endings than any other sexual organ in the female body. He just has to rub, lick, and tease it until you cum. So don’t dump your short, short man. Ask him to play with your clit while he’s inside of you. Sex will be much better.

The way he chews 

He can’t seem to close his mouth while devouring a plate of frijoles. It’s...gross. Unless you’re a momma bird, you shouldn’t be privy to what he’s about to digest! Still, it’s silly to dump him because he chews like a horse. Tell him about this nasty habit and how it turns you off. 

He’s chubby

Sometimes you meet someone who is carrying a few extra pounds. You accept him as is, right? Right. But what if the guy you’re dating gains weight over time? He was in pretty good shape when you met, now he’s as round as a ball. Keep him or leave him? I say stay. Our bodies change over time. We get busy and may not have as much time to exercise. Besides, how hurt would you be if your man dumped you because you’ve added a few extra love handles? Very. So, treat him like you treat you! 

Did I miss any? Share in the comments some more silly reasons to dump someone! Let us know your experience, if you dare!

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Why You Should Ask Your Ex for Dating Advice

Some folks find it extremely difficult to be cordial with an ex. The bastard may have run off with your twin sister (this happened to someone I know!), or maybe they didn’t treat you with the love and appreciation you deserve. Regardless of the why and how, it’s important to reflect on your relationship to pinpoint negative patterns, destructive behaviors, and limiting mindsets that keep you stuck. Like angry, drunk texting, “Why don’t you love me like I love you?!” (#guilty) or icing him out instead of communicating effectively.  

Fun fact: your ex will know you better than the next. Every person who has seen you naked (literally and figuratively) knows how you operate. As you peeled away layers of clothing and bared your cuca and your heart, they learned you. So why not ask an ex for dating advice? Here is how an ex-love can lead you to Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Pinpoint your missteps

It’s easy to forget that we may not have been perfect in a former relationship. Consulting with an ex will give you a needed reality check. Ask your ex for dating advice so you’re aware of how you contributed to the dynamic. Some questions to ask include: how did I impact our relationship negatively? Are there certain behaviors that I should be aware of? Do I have a negative attitude or mentality preventing me from being open? How do you feel I treated you? Your ex can pinpoint your missteps and lead you in the right direction. 

Be accountable

When your ex is giving you the scoop, try not to blame him or her for your baggage and issues. Hear out your ex, take it all in, and be accountable. This is especially the case if you speak to multiple exes and they give you similar feedback. One may say you’re defensive, another may say you don’t know how to apologize, and the third may call you out on your quick temper. All roads lead to you so be receptive. 

How you flirt

You’re newly single, dating, and off your game. Or you never had game to begin with! This is when an ex can help. Asking your ex for dating advice on your flirting skills may just do the trick to getting more dates. 

The type of girlfriend you are

Perception. It truly is everything. You might believe you’re an affectionate, communicative, and considerate girlfriend, yet your ex believes you’re thoughtless and The Worst at being vulnerable. 

ALSO READ: 5 Love Blocks That May Be Keeping You Single

Poll your exes. Ask them what makes you a great (or not-so-great) partner. Only ask exes who don’t feel animosity toward you or wouldn’t say anything just to be hurtful. Get their feedback and reflect on the common themes. That’s how you’ll learn who you truly are as a girlfriend and how you treat a partner. 

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What they love about you

Asking your ex for feedback is supposed to be a positive learning experience. You want constructive criticism so you can move on, date, and love again. End on a high note and ask your exes what they loved about you. What qualities do you possess that they cherish? What is it about you that made them fall in love or in like?  Get these answers. Skip away happily into the sunset. And hopefully, into a new, healthy relationship where you’re fully aware of who you are as a partner.

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So another Valentine’s Day has passed and March will be here in a minute. You’re still rolling solo, don’t want to be, and you can’t quite figure out why. I mean, you’re a catch, after all! So, WTF tho?

Now don’t get me wrong. This dating (cess) pool can be atrocious and filled with love bombing scammers (ahem, Legion), dry text messages (wyd, grand rising queen, anyone?), and men who refuse to make plans. It’s hard out in these streets! Those things are true and challenging. But real talk. Those things are only exacerbated if you haven’t done the work on yourself to make clear, confident decisions for when you do find a fella showing up with intention. (Because they are out there, too!)

Here are 5 love blocks that may be keeping you single and what you can do about them. And guess what? They have nothing to do with your looks, the apps, or your age.

Perfectionism! Oh how I know this one intimately! And my how things changed once I realized that it was holding me back. While striving for excellence is a good thing and leads to success in career and beyond, holding on to perfection holds you back. Because the truth is - none of us is perfect. To be human is to be imperfect. To make mistakes and learn and grow is the human experience.

According to Healthy Dating Educator and Coach, Kira Sabin, “The problem with perfectionism in dating is that it convinces us that we are just “putting our best foot forward” but it’s really keeping us from showing our real selves.” So while you are so busy trying to look perfect, say the right thing, not rock the boat, etc., you are stifling parts of your authentic self, which means you aren’t connecting. And if you can’t connect, you can't have a deep and fulfilling relationship. And surprise, surprise - that makes you the emotionally unavailable one. (This was a mind blowing, mic drop moment for me when I learned this!). 

So, what can you do? Well, start with accepting that you're not perfect. As Kira shared, “this mindset keeps us from being vulnerable which is the actual foundation for love.”

Try leaning to small moments of vulnerability with people that you trust and that already love and care about you. That could look like sharing an embarrassing moment from your day with your sister. Or, when your best friend asks you how you are, tell her how you are really doing. Even if you want to cringe saying the hard parts out loud. If this love block plagues you, this will help you push through.

Self-Esteem…without self-worth. Don’t get it twisted. Having high self-esteem isn’t a bad thing. Being confident in your abilities and accolades helps you shine. However, if it isn’t paired with a hefty dose of self-worth, you can be susceptible to the intrusive thoughts and negative feelings that come when you have setbacks. Because self-esteem is built on a foundation of things outside you. Your grades. Your looks. Your physique. Your career. Again, not a bad thing, but what happens when you get laid off? When you don’t get the job…again. When you gain a few pounds. When your skin breaks out. If you don’t have a deep, steadfast belief in your inherent worth as a human, it can all fall apart. Just know, it’s not a group project. As our expert, Kira, teaches in her Reinventing Dating programs, “No else can give you your worth. That’s why it’s called self-worth.”

What’s the solution? Well, there is no silver bullet, sunshine, but you can develop a practice of self compassion and self kindness. I like to think about this as treating yourself as you would treat a friend. Pants fitting a little tight? Would you berate a friend because she gained some weight? I’m guessing no. So why would you do that to yourself? Same with dating. Maybe he said he was no longer interested. Maybe he was unkind and just ghosted you. As frustrating, and frankly, immature, as that is, that’s a him thing, boo. Not an opportunity for you to beat yourself up. When you develop that unshakeable self-worth, you can better withstand the wild winds of the dating world and know that regardless of what he’s doing or saying, you are worthy of the love and relationship you desire. 

ALSO READ: 24 5-minute self-care ideas to boost self-love

Hyperindependence. You’re the girl who frequently says you don’t need anyone or anything. And you still deeply desire a relationship. Well, I hate to break it to you, but all relationships require a level of interdependence to thrive. “We have to have needs in our relationships, even when it’s scary,” Kira shared. “When we don’t show the people in our lives how to be there for us, support us, care for us, and even love us, they usually don’t stay. Because part of love and a healthy relationship is learning how to support each other so you can build trust and intimacy.”

That means you have to be able to work together with your partner and not just do it all alone. I know it’s the way you are attempting to protect yourself from hurt, but honey, keeping people at arm’s length doesn’t help you build a relationship. It blocks you from love.

How do you overcome hyperindependence? Well, to start, recognize there is no reward without risk. I know it’s a risk to ask for help. To trust. To rely on another person. And, that risk can be mitigated with a tag team of tactics. First, know your worth and choose quality people to be in your life. Reliable people are more likely to engage in reciprocal relationships, resulting in fewer moments of disappointment and frustration. Second, practice communicating your needs and desires openly and directly. Like I mentioned above for perfectionism, try it out in small ways with people you trust.

Not articulating your values. If you are a woman of a certain age, you grew up on a diet of rom-coms. They’re light and sweet and fun, of course, but they lack the nuance and substance that real world relationships require. Love at first sight might be a cute storyline, but when push comes to shove, if you aren’t on the same page for the long haul, even the hottest flame will eventually fizzle. Good vibes will only get you so far if what you desire is fundamentally different. 

What’s a girl to do? Start by getting clear on your core values and non-negotiables. Let’s say family and community are important to you. You expect to be at your uncle’s birthday party or your niece’s dance recital. Your love interest can go weeks without talking to his mother and it not disrupt his life. You can’t imagine missing Sunday dinners, Christmas Eve celebrations, or other family traditions. He won’t give another thought to taking a trip to Thailand on Thanksgiving. Beyond that, what if you are excited about being a mom, and he doesn’t ever want to be a dad? All the chemistry in the world can’t overcome wanting two different lifestyles, girlfriend. You’ll end up in a cycle of short term situationships if you don’t get clear on what truly matters when it comes to long term love. 

Not understanding relationship stages. This is another place where the Disney princess movies and rom-coms played in our faces, y’all. Now listen. I’m a romance writer. I love a happily ever after! And I know that in the real world, the happily ever after is often the beginning of a real relationship. In the movies, we see the blissful build up. The fun. The passion. The honeymoon phase. It’s magical! But long lasting partnership is at a stage long beyond the honeymoon. Not that you can’t keep the good times rolling and have those magical moments, but knowing how relationships evolve past that is crucial. Eventually, you’ll see each other’s true colors. Flaws and all, like Beyonce said. And just because you and your love hit the power struggle phase doesn’t mean it is time to throw in the towel. It’s a natural evolution. 

How do you keep going and get to the really good stuff? Things may not be as fun and fancy free, but the good news is, with acceptance, respect, and choosing each other, you can leave this love block behind and elevate to a new level. And that sounds pretty magical to me! 

PLUS: 60 Affirmations to Level Up as a Woman in the New Year

Now friends, my disclaimer. None of this is a guarantee. You very well might tackle your perfectionism and develop your self worth and better understand the stages of a relationship and still be single. And that’s okay. We’ll keep hope alive! However, at least in the meantime, you will know it’s not based on any sort of self-sabotage or love block and spare yourself a lot of heartbreak. (And if you are looking for a place to track all those experiences, consider this journal (paid link)).

If this resonated and you’re not sure how to go the next step deeper, I recommend investing in Kira’s virtual Reinventing Dating Day Intensive. Tackle topics like identifying what you need in a relationship and rewiring your brain for love. Leave with a customized action plan that will empower you to take the next step in your dating life and let go of the love blocks that might be keeping you single.

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“Ponte en cuatro, ponte en cuatro!” Translation: get on all fours. I know, riveting lyrics. (Sense my sarcasm.) This song’s popularity may have something to do with the fact that most men love doggy style. According to this study, 43 percent of men love hitting it from behind. Mostly because doggy style allows for deeper penetration. The thing is that most women feel a lack of intimacy and connection when performing doggy style. The name alone (doggy style!) sounds like an antonym for romance.

So, what’s the solution? Can doggy style be romantic? Why, yes, it can! Check out these tips for better sex and the ways to make doggy style more romantic. 

How to Make Doggy Style More Romantic

Use a mirror. 

Some women have issues with doggy style because of the lack of eye contact. That’s when a mirror comes in handy. 

Need more sex positions to turn up the heat? Grab this fifty card deck that features 99 positions PLUS 12 bonus “lust lessons.” Color illustrated with clear instructions for mastering that move.

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Bonus doggy style romance tip: Position yourself in front of a long mirror so you can get a better view. As he thrusts, lock eyes. This will not only intensify the experience, but you will also connect with your love during sex. 

Spooning 

You don’t always have to be on your knees for doggy style. Instead, let him penetrate while spooning. He can still hit your spot and even nibble on your neck while doing so. Plus, it’s a great way to switch to other positions, like the Reverse Slide or Reverse Cowgirl. 

Jump in a bath.

Sex in the shower can be risky. You can slip and fall, and that’s not sexy! 

Here’s a bonus doggy style romance tip: Fill up your bathtub with warm water, lie down, and let him hit it from behind (spooning position) while your body is submerged. Just make sure the bathtub is big enough for both of you and lay down towels by the bathtub for spillage. Add candles and mood music, and you’ll feel like the star of a Danielle Steel novel. 

Stand up. 

Standing up while doing it doggy style is also great for romance. This makes it easier to turn your head and lock eyes with your partner. Kiss passionately. Allow him to cup your breasts and whisper sweet words in your ear that stir your loins. 

No dirty talk.  

Dirty talk makes things…dirtier. And doggy style doesn’t need to feel any less intimate! 

Here’s a great tip for better sex when doing it doggy style: While he’s rocking your body from behind, ask him to verbally affirm your fabulosity. He’ll tell you you’re beautiful and you’ll feel so sensual and sexy. Pull him in deeper in more ways than one.

Use your hands. 

We have five senses and you should use them all during sex! When doing it doggy style, a great tip for better sex is to ask your partner to caress your back and rub his hands all over your body. His fingertips can linger on your inner thighs before they graze your clitoris. I guarantee you’ll become a new fan of doggy style. 

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It’s that time of year again. Yes, Valentine’s Day, but over here, we are much more excited about Galentine’s Day! You know, the time when you get your gal pals together for a much-needed night out to celebrate friendship, sisterhood, and love! 

Looking for ideas on how to spend this Galentine’s Day in NY and LA? Let us help you with 4 fun ways to celebrate Galentine’s Day from coast to coast, and even at home! 

Drink and Discover New Favorites with Wine Tasting 

Krista: So I am a huge fan of wine and love sampling new ones! My local wine shop here in Los Angeles, Stanley’s Wet Goods, even has classes to learn more about the flavor profiles. I’m planning on checking out their lineup for a much-needed gathering with my girls. I suggest you check out what your local shops or bars have to offer. If there isn’t a formal class available, you usually can order a flight of wines and experiment that way.

Sujeiry, what are your recommendations for New York? 

Sujeiry: Hey girl! I have two spots for my fellow New Yorkers. As a born and bred New York City girl, I often explored my neighborhood to support local businesses. If you’re from my former neck of the woods (Washington Heights, where you at?), I suggest stopping by Napa in the Heights for good vibes, quality wine, and craft cocktails.

On Long Island like yours truly? Spend an evening at Fire Islands Wines, a winery in Bay Shore. They have tons of Galentine’s Day events slated!

Also, you know we love a deal. If you and your girls want to save a few coins, create your own experience at home. Have each of your girlfriends bring a bottle and enjoy your own wine tasting! 

Indulge in a Delicious Dinner 

Krista: So because I love to eat, another great Galentine’s Day idea is definitely eating some good food! And I have so many places in Los Angeles in mind!

You can get so much good food out here from different cuisines and at different price points. But sometimes…you just have to splurge! I’m talking appetizers, entrees, desserts, and cocktails. I’m on the hunt for a new spot perfect for celebrations, milestone moments, and Galentine’s Day now that my favorite spot has closed. But I recently had dinner at Ladyhawk and I was impressed!

Sujeiry: That place sounds amazing, Krista! And that’s saying a lot from a self-proclaimed non-foodie. That’s why my go-to on Galentine’s Day is grabbing some comfort food. My guilty pleasure is the dry rub, chili ribs, and Cajun fries from Tap Room on Long Island. They have various locations on Long Island.

Back in NYC, I would get down with some Dominican food at the infamous El Melacon restaurant. It’s the perfect place to eat yummy, traditional Dominican dishes. Go with your gal pals, share a pollo al horno, and luxuriate in the culture. Catch up and gab! Take your time! ‘Cause the servers definitely will.

That’s my gentle way of letting you know the service isn’t that great! But the food…the food…

Want the vibe without the price tag? Why not create a similar experience at home? Buy the steaks or lobster and cook a decadent meal together with your besties. 

Paint the Town Red with a Night Out 

Krista: Every once in a while though, we need to put on our freakum dresses and shake our booties at the club! Some of my favorite memories with friends have been breaking it down on the dance floor, in our own little world, as we channel our inner Beyoncés! At this age, it’s rare, so I am definitely looking for a spot. Maybe an upscale lounge with good music, so I can avoid the long lines and those notoriously sticky floors at the spots the young folks frequent. Where is your go-to spot for gettin’ down, Sujeiry? 

PLUS: How to Dip Out of An Event for a Booty Call

Sujeiry: My go-to spot is a fun restaurant-turned-club in Garden City called The Cuban. They play hip-hop, pop, reggaeton, merengue, and salsa! It’s a mixed crowd, so expect some 20-somethings to approach you. Thankfully, no sticky floors!

If you’re in NYC, check out Mamajuana’s Cafe. They have three spots in Queens, Manhattan, and the Bronx. Same vibe as The Cuban, but local if you’re a city girl.

If you and your crew aren’t down for expensive drinks, recreate the vibes at home. Make some Moscow Mules and pour them into fancy copper mugs (paid link). Go for a Mexican theme with some margs and serve them in classic, stemless blue glasses (paid link). Blast a bomb playlist and shake what your mama gave ya at Club Living Room.

Unwind with Spa Treatments 

Sujeiry: I’m a busy mom and sometimes I just want a night to relax. My go-to spa is Bliss Spa in NYC. For a more healing experience, Port Salt Cave and Wellness is a must for Salt Therapy. Salt Therapy is a calming and detoxifying wellness practice that supports the immune, nervous, and lymphatic systems.

Where’s your go-to spa place, Krista?

Krista: Massages, scrubs, and facials, oh my! Nothing like a spa treatment to bring all the relaxation vibes. If you’ve never been to a Korean-style spa, they are one of my favorites. They frequently have different style rooms with various healing properties like a salt room or jade room, plus saunas, napping areas, heated pools, and the option for additional services. I always feel blissful when I leave.

In LA, Olympic Spa is my jam! However, if something like that isn’t in the budget and you want to bring the experience home, have a pj party! Stock up on some face masks from Sephora or Target to use, and maybe even get a little foot bath to use, like this one from Amazon (paid link). 

Sujeiry: I personally love this at-home back massager (paid link). It kneads out my knots while I read a spicy romance novel, like Candi, from yours truly.

Speaking of, I’m going to turn on my massager now and jump off. We hope you enjoyed our suggestions! And remember: no matter where you go or what you do, be sure to enjoy this Galentine’s Day. Because you deserve it!

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. But girl, you know I only include products I can vouch for! Also, don’t forget to subscribe for more musings and BIPOC stories, plus, you’ll receive two free romance reads from Corner of Press authors.

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At 13 years old, I was always stuck in the Friend Zone. With a metal mouth and glasses that were way too big for my face, who could blame a guy? Eventually, I transitioned past the Awkward Stage and flourished into an “Alien Superstar” (whip! whip!) As Queen Bey sings, I am now “too sexy for this world.”  

Being stuck in the Friend Zone isn’t just a looks thing. Many stunning women struggle in the romance department way past adolescence, constantly finding themselves as their love interest's “bud” instead of his “love.” Instead of wining and dining with you, your crush greets you with a bear hug and chats you up about the girls he’s been dating. Ahem, not you. 

You take it like a champ, nodding and giving him friendly advice. Inside, you wonder, why do I permanently live on the corner of Friend Zone Lane and Never Get the Guy? ​Here's why.

​6 Reasons You're Always Stuck in the Friend Zone

You show a lack of romantic interest

Guys take their cues from us. If he doesn’t think you’re interested, he’s going to treat you like a friend. This is especially the case if you speak to him about other men. He will take it as a hint that he’s not the guy for you and will fill the role of your BFF — not your BF. So if a guy catches your eye, act accordingly! 

A lack of confidence 

A lack of confidence will hinder you from flirting with your love interest and showing romantic interest. You may even settle with playing the friend role just to be close to him. Don’t hide your feelings. Stop fearing rejection. And remember: a man loves a confident woman who says what she wants. 

RELATED: 60 Affirmations to Level Up as a Woman

No game

Maybe you’re a hot tamale and you know it. You feel good about yourself all day, every day. No self-esteem issues to note! So, what gives? Why do you spend Saturday nights watching your love interest hit on other women or listen to him brag about his conquests? Because your game is whack! As in, you probably don’t know how to flirt or hit on men, so he has no clue that you like him. 

Flirting is a skill. When single and hoping to date you can’t just expect a guy to flirt with you and not flirt back. The art of flirting is like a ping-pong match. When he hits you better strike back and score. Read some articles on the art of seduction (paid link) or watch a video on YouTube. And practice! 

Too much time in the Friend Zone

You meet a guy and you’re instantly attracted to him, but you don’t have the balls to say so or show you’re interested. Eventually, he becomes your go-to guy friend. You’ve been friends for months, maybe even years. Although you still long for him romantically, he just sees you as a friend. That’s because too much time has passed. 

ALSO READ: 7 Ways to Hit on a Guy

Men are visual creatures. When it comes to romance, sex, and dating they’re all about the conquest and the instant gratification. If you’ve been friends for a long time, your window may be closed shut. 

One of the guys

You go with him to Hooters and nudge him while saying, “Check out her rack.” Yup, you’re just like one of the guys. You can probably even outdrink him — and often do.

The thing is men are usually more romantically and sexually attracted to feminine women, or at least women who are balanced between their masculine and feminine energy. I don’t mean you should wear a dress or makeup to get the guy. You just shouldn’t punch him on the shoulder, thumb wrestle him, or act like one of his frat boys, if you want to fraternize with him in the bedroom. 

Not enough mystery

What’s familiar is comfortable. And to most men “comfortable” reminds them of an old married couple. Men like excitement. They like the chase. If he knows your life story in the span of a month, you’ve said too much too soon. If you bend over backward for him at every turn, you’re doing too much. If you put him first and yourself last, you’re not valuing yourself enough. Soon, the mystery will be gone, and so will he. And you’ll be stuck on the corner of Friend Zone Lane and Never Get the Guy…again. 

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Like romance? We got you! From spicy to sweet to naughty, there is something for everyone.

Candi is a spicy and comical romance novelette featuring Dominican characters and a messy love triangle. You’ll laugh, ooh and ah, and wonder: can Candi get any messier? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Brandy is a fun and flirty short summer romance. You’ll root for Brandy as she navigates the ramifications of catching real feelings for her fake boo. Will she go from breaking down to breaking through? Read and see!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Danielle is a sweet, yet saucy romance novelette. Follow Danielle as she figures out life after cutting off her FWB. Will she find love in an unexpected place? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Gabby is steamy summer read that has you feeling all the feels by fall. Will a surprise second chance at romance lead to lasting love at 40? Grab your copy to see what happens!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

If you aren’t masturbating, you better start! Self-pleasure not only gives you what you need (literally), but it also teaches you what does or doesn’t hit the spot. And guess what, ladies? There are multiple ways to masturbate. The masturbation style that you prefer depends on your personality and sexual turn-ons, and it also says a whole lot about you.

Wondering what your masturbation style is? Didn’t even know you had one? Here are 6 ways to fondle yourself and what it says about you.

6 Masturbation Styles and What They Say About You

The Teaser

“This style usually consists of the woman playing only with a finger or two with the clitoris,” said Taylor Henry, a sexual health expert. You play with yourself just enough and don’t need gadgets or swings to get off. In fact, your fingers hit your money spot (the clit) almost every time. You’ve clearly mastered masturbating. And you “get the most out of it with minimal effort.”

ALSO READ: 7 Ways to Hit on a Guy

The Meditator

Had a long and stressful day? Meditators choose to masturbate to feel relief. If you are a Meditator, self-pleasure is your savior. You jump straight to it if anyone (or anything) gets on your nerves. Typical Type A personalities, “meditators know what they want [and] when they need it and are straightforward about it,” Henry expanded. “If either before bedtime or to start a day off, meditators find 5 minutes of heaven and bliss right at their fingertips.”

The Daydreamer

Perhaps the most popular of all styles, Daydreamers have a name for their sex toys and private parts. Probably because they want an intimate connection and to feel like B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend (paid link)) is real. As they close their eyes and grab B.O.B., they usually fantasize about someone special. 

The Quickie

Some women are masturbation pros. In 2-3 minutes tops, they’ve reached climax. 

“If she masturbates rapidly, she is all about immediate pleasure and would most likely enjoy a quickie,” Eric Marlowe Garrison, sexologist and author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex, explained. 

The Romantic

Much like The Daydreamer, The Romantic uses her imagination to get off. For her, masturbating is an affair to remember. It’s lovemaking, darlings. So, “she masturbates in a bathtub or takes time to set the stage in her room (with lights, sheets, music or porn),” Garrison said. A woman who treats self-pleasure like lovemaking is often just as romantic and emotional when sexually intimate with a partner. 

The Adventurer

Last but not least, is the adventurer. The woman who will try every sex toy (paid link) on the market for her satisfaction. She’s the person who attaches a toy to a wall or footboard.

As for what that says about their personality, Adventurers love to explore every aspect of sex and they “put their whole body into it,” Garrison said. “They want their hands free to explore or to mimic something that resembles the sex they'd like to be having physically.” In other words, The Adventurer is a freak. 

PLUS: 7 Things to Get You in the Mood for Sex

So, get your solo freak on. And that goes for all of you no matter your masturbation style!

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Gone are the days when women waited for men to kick game. In fact, many women are bold enough to see a cutie, approach said cutie, and ask for his number. After all, it is 2024. A woman can hit on a guy if she likes. And women can do what men can, but can we do it better?

Much like women, men get turned off by certain approaches. So, let’s get the scoop straight from the mouths of men! A few good men share what works if you want to hit on a guy. 

7 Ways to Hit On a Guy

Strike a bet

Most men are competitive by nature, so why not saunter over and place a wager? One guy shared how impressed he was when a woman approached him this way. “I was at an Oktoberfest party and she walked over to me and said, ‘My friend bet me a beer that I wouldn’t give you my number. Do you want to help me win a beer?’” Blown away by her confidence, Juan, 32, jotted down his number on a napkin. “We went on a few dates,” he continued, “it didn’t work out due to distance, but that was the most memorable pick-up line I’ve ever heard.”

Use specifics

If a guy has dreamy, coffee-brown eyes, hit on him by saying so. And if he’s as tall as a flagpole, use it to your advantage. Tomas, 30, loved it when a girl perched herself up on a chair to meet him eye to eye.

ALSO READ: 7 Things to Get You in the Mood for Sex

“She was shorter than me, which most girls are since I’m 6 foot 2. She walked up and said, ‘Let’s see which one of us is taller.’” And she didn’t stop there. Shorty climbed up on a stool to see who measured up. “I laughed. It definitely broke the ice,” Tomas added. 

Play a drinking game

Drinking games are infamous icebreakers and a great way to hit on a guy. Mostly because you’re hammered and can’t remember how to count to 100. 

You don’t have to get messy to get the guy. In fact, David, 25, recalls a time when a girl asked him to play Flip Cup and held her own. “She was good,” he shared, “but even if she was terrible I would have been into her.” That’s because she showed off her spontaneous spirit. “At one point in the game, she high-fived everyone that watched. She was so hype! I really enjoyed that.”

Smile and laugh

Speaking of laughter, there’s nothing like a good laugh to ease into conversation. Whether you share a great story or simply smile wide, it will get his attention. As Nick, 37, put it, “A woman that can laugh at life and herself reads as self-confident and light-hearted, and like she doesn’t take life so seriously.” And that’s a great quality. 

Challenge him to a sport

Join him in a sporting event and you’ll have him wrapped around your finger. Mike, 28, suggested getting down and sporty when hitting on a guy. “Dainty girls are a dime a dozen,” he explained, “but a girl who willingly offers to play a game of darts or pool is way cooler.” So take off your stilettos and beat his ass. Then, ask for his number. 

Be clever

Don’t dumb yourself down to get the guy. Instead, use your wit, just like Maggie did when Roberto caught her eye. “I was working as a drive-through teller at a bank,” Roberto, 40, said, “and she sent a note up that said, ‘I'd like to withdraw your phone number.’” Impressed, he jotted his number down. They’ve been married nine years now. 

MORE: Contact Names for Exes, Booty Calls, and Future Exes

Be yourself

I know, I know — what a cliche! But, honestly, there’s no better way to approach a man than by being yourself. Let your guard down and strike up a conversation. Don’t try so hard! In the end, he should be into you. If that’s not enough, kick it to the next guy. 

Have you ever hit on a guy? Drop your pickup lines in the comments!

Buy Our Books

Like romance? We got you! From spicy to sweet to naughty, there is something for everyone.

Candi is a spicy and comical romance novelette featuring Dominican characters and a messy love triangle. You’ll laugh, ooh and ah, and wonder: can Candi get any messier? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Brandy is a fun and flirty short summer romance. You’ll root for Brandy as she navigates the ramifications of catching real feelings for her fake boo. Will she go from breaking down to breaking through? Read and see!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Danielle is a sweet, yet saucy romance novelette. Follow Danielle as she figures out life after cutting off her FWB. Will she find love in an unexpected place? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Gabby is steamy summer read that has you feeling all the feels by fall. Will a surprise second chance at romance lead to lasting love at 40? Grab your copy to see what happens!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Subscribe now

Contact Names for Exes, Booty Calls, and Future Exes

Carrie had Mr. Big. Meredith had McDreamy. I had Frat-tastic and Gym Guy, among others!

I can’t help but laugh at how full my group chat is with these sometimes savage, sometimes ridiculous nicknames for our exes - and future exes! From past boyfriends and booty calls to current love - or lust - interests, at some point we’ve all abandoned using, or never even started using, his actual name for one that simply identifies him by his occupation, affiliation, or location.

The Lawyer. Hottie Roommate. Philly.

Perhaps it’s because he’s now reduced to being one whose name should no longer be spoken because he broke your heart. Or maybe because he was only a fleeting fling and not worth giving a real identity. Or possibly because he really did look like Adam Levine…

Drummer Boy. The Bartender. The Boy from the Snowstorm. 

Maybe speaking his real name is too painful or makes memories of bad (or good) times too real. Or maybe his time on the booty call roster was not long enough for you and your friends to call him anything besides the moniker you made up.

Distant Lover. Purple Tie. 37.

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On that night where your paths first crossed, maybe it was something he wore that you noticed across the bar or in your psych class. Or perhaps it is where you experienced your first encounter.

Pink Shirt. All-American. The guy from the Y.

Or maybe he just wasn’t the first guy with that name or a military affiliation.

Mike #1. Mike #2. Mike #3. The Sailor. The Cadet. Army guy. Not to be confused, of course, with Navy guy.

So many stories. So many reasons. So many names. So many more stories to share. So many more reasons to invent. So many more names to create. Whatever the origin or the reason, they must serve some purpose if they carry us from our teens through our twenties and beyond. I guess there are some things we just never outgrow.

Have you ever used a funny contact name for an ex? Drop your best ones in the comments. And on your path to finding your next boo, why not track them all in this journal?

Get out of the same old, Valentine’s Day gift-giving rut this year! Throw away those flowers and store-bought chocolates. And don’t you dare gift your sweetie another tie! This Valentine’s Day, think outside the box. Present your darling with the gift of sexxxy. 

That’s right. You see that triple x! It’s time to seduce your love this Valentine’s Day with an extra exciting, extra sensual, and extra special Valentine’s Day gift! Don’t know where to start? These 8 creatively sexy Valentine’s Day gift ideas will spice up your day…and night.

A Boudoir Photo Shoot

Stir his or her heart (and loins) with a boudoir photo shoot. It’s personal, beautiful, and sexy with just a touch of class. Boudoir photo shoots are also a great way to boost your self-esteem. Hire a photographer who treats you like a Goddess and directs you comfortably into sensual, alluring, and spicy poses. You’ll walk out of that photo shoot confident and with a gift for your boo. You get a gift, they get a gift. It’s a win-win.

Lap Dance the Night Away

Take a page from Beyonce in “Partition” and surprise your mate on Valentine’s Day with a lap dance. But I can’t dance, Sujeiry! You scream at me from your screen. It’s a lap dance! Grinding on your lover is a skill that can be taught.

Take a lap dance class from your local pole dancing fitness studio. Hire a private instructor if you want more one-on-one attention. Or, if you’re a Dancing Queen, search for a Lap Dance routine on YouTube and practice at home. When you’re ready (and you better be ready in time for Valentine’s Day!) rent a dance studio space and invite him in, or transform your living room into a strip club. Once you're done wowing your Valentine, drop a special note for me in the comments as a thank you. 

A Sexual Massage

Certain pressure points in our body can turn us on like a dog in heat. That’s why giving your Valentine a sexual massage is a go-to creatively, sexy Valentine’s Day gift. Before you slather on the massage oil, do your research! You want to make sure you hit the right spot to get them hot. 

ALSO READ: 7 Things to Get You in the Mood for Sex

Body Paint 

Write a love letter all over their body. And then lick it off. That’s what Shunga’s Champagne & Strawberries "Edible Body Paint" (paid link) is for. (I’ve personally used it and recommend it!) And it’s super affordable at only $15.20 on Amazon.

Play a Sex Game

Play your favorite board game this Valentine’s Day and add stripping to spice it up. Missed a word in Scrabble? Take off your bra! Ended up in jail in Monopoly? You lose a hotel and your boxers! You can also purchase sex games on Amazon, like Cosmo’s Kinky Sex Games ($14.99) and Dirty Dice ($12.99). (paid link)

Tie Them Up

Unleash your inner Grey and tie them up like they’re Anastasia. Whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro, there are plenty of bondage toys to go around. You can spank him with a whip (paid link), tie her up with handcuffs (paid link), or take it there with a ball gag (paid link). The choice (and power) is yours. 

A Couples Vibrator

Rev up the sexy on Valentine’s Day by gifting your partner (and you!) a vibrator. For first-timers, try a vibrator that is just for the clitoris. This vibrator (paid link) is a great one. Been there, done that? Try this Couples Vibrator (paid link) on for size. 

Jar of Fantasies

Bring the sexy back into your relationship this Valentine’s Day with a gift that keeps on giving: a jar of fantasies. Creating one is simple. Sit down with your partner, write down your sexual fantasies, and slip them into a mason jar. Once finished, decide when you will pick a fantasy from the jar to bring to life. 

What are you planning to do for Valentine’s Day? Let us know! Especially if you gift your sweets with one of these special, naughty Valentine’s Day treats. 

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Most women shudder at the thought of having sex with a man with a small penis. That’s because there is a preconceived notion that a man with a smaller pecker cannot sexually satisfy a woman. In my experience, it’s the motion in the ocean that matters; a man with a larger member doesn’t necessarily know how to rock the boat either. You know who can? A man who listens to his partner during sex.

As you moan and tell him where it feels good (you must participate in this process!), he swerves accordingly. And, if rumor has it, men with small pickles usually work a little harder to please. What they lack in inches they make up in effort!

I know, I know: you want an anaconda or you don’t want none. But what if you meet the man of your dreams? What if he checks all of your boxes and wants to build a life with you? Are you going to throw it all away, or will you try to enhance your sex life with these sex positions for a small penis? Let’s find out, shall we? 

8 Sex Positions for a Small Penis

Doggy Style

Doggy style makes most penises feel larger than they are. Blame it on the pressure, baby! 

Bonus tip for this sex position for a small penis: Place your head and shoulders on a pillow and lift your ass in the air. For full effect, arch your back so he can penetrate deeper. 

The Hound

The Hound is a variation of Doggy Style. Get in the Doggy Style position. Next, you both kneel on the floor against a bed or a couch. You can also lean over and lower your body and forearms as he enters from behind. 

Cosmo Kama Sutra The Sex Deck: 99 Sex Positions That’ll Blow Your Mind

Need more sex positions to turn up the heat? Grab this fifty card deck that features 99 positions PLUS 12 bonus “lust lessons.” Color illustrated with clear instructions for mastering that move.

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Reverse Cowgirl

Your guy lies on his back and you ride him in Reverse Cowgirl. So, he’s facing your back, not your breasts. This position is amazing because you control the movement and feel him a lot deeper. Plus, you get tons of clitoral stimulation since he can wrap his arms around you and your clit is within reach.

The X-Rated

The X-Rated comes in handy as a sex position for a small penis because it allows for deeper penetration.

Here’s how to do it: he lies on his back and you get into Reverse Cowgirl. Next, straddle him, lean all the way forward, and lay on top of his legs.

The Nirvana

This position is euphoric! A twist on missionary, you lay on your back and your man is on top, only his legs are spread and your legs are tightly closed together. Yes, his penis is still inside! This squeezes his penis and provides you with greater clitoral stimulation. Best thing ever!

The Slide

This position is similar to The Nirvana, only you’re on top with your legs tightly closed together and he’s lying on his back, Now, slide, slide, slide! Literally. You rub up and down his body until you both can’t take it anymore. It’s great for vaginal and clitoral action. 

The Splitting Bamboo

Time to get flexible! When doing the splitting bamboo, lie on your back and put one leg over his shoulder. He will straddle you and sit across your thigh. He’ll have control, and you’ll get full-on penetration.

The Eagle

God bless the Eagle! This position lets your guy show you what he’s made of, even if it’s in a smaller package. You lie on your back with your legs up in the air in a V shape. He kneels in front of you, lifts your booty a bit, and penetrates. Hopefully, he’ll show you that a man with a small penis can satisfy your sexual needs.

Now, give it a whirl with your guy before you throw it all away over penis size.

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Getting into it with your significant other is a part of relationships. Some say it’s even healthy to spar with your mate. Disagreements often show us what our partner thinks and how they feel about a specific topic. Arguments reveal how compatible (or incompatible) you are, giving couples insight into opposing values. These types of arguments can be especially painful, which is why arguing about core values can become a couple’s biggest fight.

5 Common Couple Arguments That Make or Break A Relationship

Your differences don’t mean you aren’t in love with your significant other or that they don't make you happy. It does, however, mean that you should sit down with your partner and get clear on important relationship topics. 

Life happens, finances change, and family always has something to say. No matter how lovey-dovey you are as an item, you may not be able to escape the big fights. Here are some common couple arguments that can make or break your relationship. 

Elder Care

“No, your mom CANNOT live with us!” you yell at your bae before slamming the bedroom door. Elder care is a real issue that impacts relationships. Let’s say your man can’t fathom the thought of his blessed momma living in a nursing home. When the time comes he’s set on moving her into your basement. The basement that you wanted as an office or a playroom for the kids or, even better — a walk-in closet just for you! 

This argument can cause serious trouble in paradise due to the serious implications, such as added responsibilities, more expenses, and an overall change in home life and your quality of life as a couple and/or family. 

Money Woes 

How much you spend and how much you make as a couple can rock your happy relationship — and sink it faster than you can say “financial planner.” That’s because we all have a personal relationship with money. Whether your parents taught you to be frugal or you weren’t taught a thing about savings, and now splurge like a rapper that’s on a mother fuckin’ boat…

...one of your couple arguments may be about money. When all is said (spent) and done remember the love. And perhaps open separate bank accounts. 

Child Rearing (and Beating)

Ooh child! If anything causes couples to shriek at the top of their lungs, it’s child rearing and whether or not to hit your child(ren) as a form of discipline. Much like money, how you want to raise your kid(s) has a lot to do with your upbringing  - and how far you’ve evolved past your parents' way of doing things.  

It’s a personal preference so you and your guy may not see eye to eye. What makes it worse is if you don’t get on the same page and your children take note. They will take advantage and the fighting between you will just continue.

Unwelcome Friends

You hate his friends or he hates yours (or both). It may not seem like a big deal in the early stages of your relationship (seeing that you spend every minute together), but you’ll come up for air at some point. As your relationship progresses, you will mingle with one another’s circles a lot more frequently. That’s when it gets tricky. You feel uncomfortable and he knows it. He wants to go home and you want to keep hanging with your pals. It’s like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and have to grin and bear it when you’re around his social circle or he’s around yours. 

Not getting along with his or her friends can develop into a big fight. The tension will cause arguments and, if your relationship is fairly new, an ultimatum and/or break up may soon follow.  

Old Habits

Old habits die hard and that includes single-person behavior. When transitioning from single life to relationship goals it may be difficult to stop partying with friends, coordinate plans, and be as available as you once were. Eventually, someone will have enough and feel like their partner is still acting like a single person. A fight will ensue and, if you don’t handle it with care, it may just be the biggest fight of them all - and your last. 

What are some common couple arguments that you’ve had? How did it impact your relationship? Share in comments below!

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Like romance? We got you! From spicy to sweet to naughty, there is something for everyone.

Candi is a spicy and comical romance novelette featuring Dominican characters and a messy love triangle. You’ll laugh, ooh and ah, and wonder: can Candi get any messier? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Brandy is a fun and flirty short summer romance. You’ll root for Brandy as she navigates the ramifications of catching real feelings for her fake boo. Will she go from breaking down to breaking through? Read and see!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Danielle is a sweet, yet saucy romance novelette. Follow Danielle as she figures out life after cutting off her FWB. Will she find love in an unexpected place? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Now that we can engage with thousands of attractive strangers, serial killers, and THOTS on social media, relationships are even more susceptible to infidelity. With a swipe of a finger, your boo-thang can get up close and personal with someone else. Microcheating is that easy! That's why today I'm sharing tell-tale signs that he is microcheating.

6 Tell-Tale Signs That He's Microcheating

So, what is microcheating? Essentially, it’s a pattern of behavior that may seem minute in the grand scheme of relationship infidelity but can lead to your significant other cheating. That’s because your partner is placing their energy, emotions, and attention toward someone else. See: not you.

Microcheating is also not easy to catch. Unlike finding text messages, lipstick on his collar, or catching them locked in a kiss when you come home from work (how cliché), catching a microcheater takes some sleuthing. So, without further adieu, here are 6 tell-tale signs that he is microcheating.

He smiles a lot more than usual when texting or speaking with someone on the phone.

The person he's communicating with is getting him giddy. He’s all in their feelings and it’s written all over his face.

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He is always on social media.

Dude may be microcheating if he’s obsessed with checking his social media feed. Especially if he’s always checking his DMs. Especially if he’s engaging with specific profiles. Especially if he uses heart emojis. And eggplants.

He engages with other women on social media but never with your social media posts.

A “friend” posts Jodeci’s “Cry for You” video and your partner likes the post, comments, and engages said “friend” in a reminiscing sesh about where they were the first time they heard the song. Yet you posted that same video the day before and…crickets. And this happens all of the time. Freaking microcheater!

He downplays the seriousness of your relationship.

If your boo-thang still acts like you’re “just dating” when you’ve been in a relationship for years, and all of the above is happening, well…you know.

He doesn’t share private thoughts with you and does with someone else.

You should be the person your partner shares everything with, including great news, deep feelings, and details about their day. You should be their person.

He sends an old photo to his ex.

Exes are exes for a reason, so why is mofo still chatting them up via email, liking their Instagram pics, and sending them gym selfies? Also, sending an old photo of them as a couple is an extra indication that he wants to rekindle that flame. Like, ooooh, look at us when we were together and happy!

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Well, maybe if they would text you sexy selfies you’d be more connected! Instead of microcheating, your partner should focus on reigniting your relationship.

Buy Our Books

Like romance? We got you! From spicy to sweet to naughty, there is something for everyone.

Candi is a spicy and comical romance novelette featuring Dominican characters and a messy love triangle. You’ll laugh, ooh and ah, and wonder: can Candi get any messier? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Brandy is a fun and flirty short summer romance. You’ll root for Brandy as she navigates the ramifications of catching real feelings for her fake boo. Will she go from breaking down to breaking through? Read and see!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Danielle is a sweet, yet saucy romance novelette. Follow Danielle as she figures out life after cutting off her FWB. Will she find love in an unexpected place? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. But I only include products I can vouch for!

You may need a little more to boost your libido, especially after a long day of work, kids, and adulting (Remember the days you’d have morning sex because you didn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn!). Although a sexy, lovemaking playlist is my go-to for sexy time, some women need more than a little R&B to turn them on. 

According to a study, women don’t enjoy sex as much as men do and orgasm way less. Our glorious clitoris isn’t always touched and titillated - or it’s rubbed the wrong way entirely.

7 Things to Get You in the Mood for Sex

Don't fret, ladies: we can turn this around! You can have an amazing sex life and always get in the mood. Here are some things that you and your lover can do to get you in the mood for sex.

Feel beautiful

Women always feel sexier when they feel desired. If your partner isn’t telling you that you are beautiful and/or showering you with compliments, speak up. Communicate your need to be admired. 

Need to feel more beautiful just on your own to get in the mood for sex? Dress up every day. Put on your favorite lipstick. Do what has always made you feel like a Goddess - before kids, before your man, before aging or weight gain. And do it just for you.

When we think we look good, we feel good. Build up your confidence by taking time out of your day every day to beautify. I choose to get dressed up every day and put on lipstick and mascara even though I work from home. This is now part of my daily routine because I feel extra gorgeous, confident, and desirable. 

Once you feel like a sexy Goddess, slip into a nightie (paid link) or kinky two-piece (paid link). Rock whatever makes you feel most comfortable and secure. Put on your outfit, strut your stuff, and get ready for some sexy time. 

Explore fantasies

Women rarely share their sexual needs and fantasies. And that’s a problem! How will your lover ever know how to satisfy you if you don’t share what turns you on? 

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Still too shy? Help him hit the spot by telling him one thing you’d want to try. Just one small fantasy. It can be something as easy as trying a new sexual position or bringing a vibrator into your bed. I recommend this one. It’s amazing! (paid link)

Once you’ve cracked that door wide open, make this a part of your sexy time conversation. But make it fun! Take a bowl and write down all of your sexual fantasies (make sure he writes some down also!). Every time you want to spice up your sex life and get in the mood for sex, pick a piece of paper from the bowl and get to pleasing! But, of course, make sure you both consent to the sexual fantasy. 

Extra fun tip: write down a sexual fantasy on a sheet of paper and leave it on his pillow. This will encourage him to initiate sex and create the setting you desire to be satisfied.

Be affectionate

Rarely is a woman turned on just like that. We need to be caressed and touched. Tell your partner to be more affectionate. Ask for a massage to get you in the mood. Caress him slowly with the tips of your fingertips, moving from his clavicle, down to his chest and belly button and, eventually, his neither region. This will set the mood for lovemaking. 

Masturbate in front of him

You know your body. You know what revs you up. Use that first-hand knowledge to get you in the mood for sex! 

Sometimes our partners need us to guide them, especially since all women are different. What turned his ex on may not be what works for you. So, instead of waiting for him to play with your clitoris, touch yourself. Masturbate in front of him to turn him on and teach him how to please you. Let him watch. Don’t let him touch just yet.

If you can’t fathom touching yourself in front of your man, masturbate alone. Because you should be masturbating anyway! It’s really healthy for you and a great way to understand your body and your sexual hot spots. When you’re ready, call him into the bedroom so you can keep the party going. 

Sexting

Use technology to your advantage and sext your lover throughout the day. That way you’re both enticed and will rip each other’s clothes off when finally face to face. 

Afraid to show a boob over text and for him to keep a record of it forever? Use an app like Snapchat where images and videos are deleted after 24 hours. You can also send a DM on Instagram on vanish mode. Just make sure you don’t send a boob selfie to your best friend. 

A little drinky drinky

Alcohol is known to loosen joints and unleash inhibitions. So drink a glass of wine (or two) to warm you up and get you in the mood for sex. Soon, your cheeks will be flushed, your legs will wobble, and you'll be extra flirty and open. Let's just hope your partner is just as ready!

Read erotica

Grab your favorite kinky novel and get to reading underneath the sheets. Reading erotica may turn you on. It’s even sexier when you read the prolific and often X-rated prose to your lover. Lay back, relax, and lose yourself in the throes of a spicy story. Your partner can play with your cuca while your favorite fictional character gets it in. Now that's sexy. 

Buy Our Books

Like romance? We got you! From spicy to sweet to naughty, there is something for everyone.

Candi is a spicy and comical romance novelette featuring Dominican characters and a messy love triangle. You’ll laugh, ooh and ah, and wonder: can Candi get any messier? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Brandy is a fun and flirty short summer romance. You’ll root for Brandy as she navigates the ramifications of catching real feelings for her fake boo. Will she go from breaking down to breaking through? Read and see!

Buy: Paperback | Kindle

Danielle is a sweet, yet saucy romance novelette. Follow Danielle as she figures out life after cutting off her FWB. Will she find love in an unexpected place? Read to find out.

Buy: Paperback | Kindle