Has Technology Ruined Romance and Relationships?
Or is there hope for more face time and less FaceTime?
Hi! Welcome to Brandy’s Breakthroughs! I’m Brandy, the protagonist from ‘Brandy,’ the first book in the “Bliss Bay Romance” series. While I’m happily boo-ed up now, before I met my boyfriend, I had some struggles. And I got stories for days! But through all the situations - and situationships - I learned a lot and grew into the woman that was ready to be in the healthy and happy relationship I’m in now. These are my reflections about life and love with my amazing squad of lady friends. Because breakdowns and breakthroughs happen in the group chat.
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I may be in a relationship, but being super single and on the dating scene is not so far removed for me, so I have a lot of empathy for my amazing friends still out there trying to find someone worthy of their awesomeness! Which brings me to a recent scenario…
My friend Nisha hit it off with a guy at a party. They snuck off to a corner and chatted for hours about the things men and women chat about when they are first connecting. (She must have been pretty engrossed in that conversation as she missed my calls and texts that night!) We finally caught up a few days later for the debrief. Inquiring minds wanted to know, after all! I almost fell out of my chair when she told me that, after all those hours of talking, he didn't even ask for her number!
Really? Is this what’s happening now? Is that all there is?
Then I was left speechless (and I'm rarely speechless!) when she said he had the nerve to add her on IG after the fact.
I repeat, really?! Is this what’s happening now? Is that all there is?
This situation begs me to ask: What's become of meeting and greeting in our society? Has technology ruined romance and relationships completely? Are we no longer able to interact in a meaningful capacity? Gone, it seems, are the days of hour-long first phone calls, declarations of feelings on looseleaf paper, and conversations that "define the relationship." Now, we are forced to reckon with the oh-so-not romantic first email, tone-lacking text messages, and a relationship status determined by who first indicates ‘In a Relationship with…’ on their Facebook profile. If we still have one of those! Where'd good old fashioned romance go? I mean, it's kinda hard to woo a woman with only 140 characters, homie!
I guess it is only happening because, collectively, we’re allowing it. Otherwise, what else would have made that, "man-child" (Nisha's favorite term for a grown man who engages in childish behaviors) think that connecting with her on social media, as opposed to asking their mutual friend for her number, was an okay entry point into her life? I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. In a recent conversation with my friend Meena, she described how she dated a guy for close to a year and probably talked to him on the phone twice! And I'm not exempt myself. I hang my head in shame at the fact that Facebook Messenger messages were a popular communication medium with me and Justin. They frequently trumped phone-on-phone action in our brief, long distance relationship.
That's why when the last guy I met (before my boo!) actually wanted to talk on the phone, I was nervous. I'd gotten so accustomed to the email/text/DM version of courtship that I questioned my own phone skills. Back in the pre-social media era, my skills were sharp. Honed over years of experience. However, getting back into the phone groove was just like riding a bike. It took a few minutes to steady my balance, but once I got the hang of it, it was like I never forgot how to be cute and flirty and witty with my words. Let’s hope this trend continues for Nisha and my other single ladies.
Maybe this all doesn't sound worrisome to you now, but my paranoia strikes when I think about how even intimacy has become technologized. I mean, how are folks ever going to get to mating if they can barely figure out dating? Sexting can be fun, but it doesn’t make babies. (Which maybe isn't such a bad thing for some folks right now...)
So, what's next? Can we make our way back to connecting on an authentic level? I'm a believer. I’ve prioritized it in my own relationship. While FaceTime is an incredible tool, we know "face time" is important to building romance and relationships. After all, no typewritten text of "xoxo" can ever compare to the magic and sparks of real life hugs and kisses. No love tweet, no matter how well crafted, can ever capture the same sentiment of those words when shared over a meal. How do we make this change and avoid being permanently interpersonally challenged? One situation at a time.
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the new age is so weird! They ask for snaps and IG versus phone numbers because it's too personal but isn't socials? Technology can be a great unifier but also a great divider