Time to Love My Chichos, Fupa, Saggy Arms, and All
Let me adjust my crown…
Welcome to Reina’s Reign, a new Give Them Romance column written by me, Reina, a Boricua-Dominicana born and raised in Washington Heights and Spanish Harlem in NYC. I’m the protagonist of Sujeiry’s third book from the “Heights of Love” series, Reina, a spicy romance novel debuting this spring. I can’t wait for you to read my love story. It’s full of escandalo, twists and turns, and fine ass men. In the meantime, enjoy Reina’s Reign, where I share personal essays and advice on self-love, body image, and culture. Read this week's column, Time to Love My Chichos, Fupa, Saggy Arms, and All.
I hate looking at myself in the mirror. These chichos (love handles) fupa, and saggy arms can kick rocks.
Mami always warned me that this is how a woman’s body changes in her 40s. Since hitting mid-life, my metabolism has slowed all the way down. I can’t, and could never, eat whatever I wanted…but I still do. What can I say? Your girl loves empanadas, white rice, and swigging a few Bacardi and Cokes while dancing to old-school salsa and hip hop.
I was never skinny; these Boricua-Dominican hips and thighs ain’t never lie. But when did my back and shoulders spread so wide that I could be mistaken for a New York Giants linebacker?
I want to love my body even if I don’t recognize it. I want to love myself, especially now that I finally dumped Peter, my son’s father, and padlocked my heart, and threw away the goddamn key. I won’t let him sway me with his sweet talk and false promises anymore. High school sweethearts, I’ve had enough of his cheating ways. The last time I caught him with his pantalones down (literally), I promised myself to leave his ass once and for all and focus on self-love. Like RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Amen, sis.
The thing is I’ve tried to love myself before. I’ve gone to santeras for cleansings to unblock stagnant energy and to heal generational curses. I’ve gone to a Reiki master to align my chakras. I light my velitas every night, praying to Jesus to rid me of my insecurities so I can stand in front of a mirror and fucking love what I see inside and out. Although I love my almond-shaped, gray eyes, my jet-black straight hair that falls to my waist, and my very juicy ass, I just can’t get past the reflection of a 45-year-old me. I just can’t wrap my head around how my life ended up like this.
Me. Reina. 45 years old. Single and insecure. Working the same job as a medical receptionist for 15 years. Still living in Washington Heights instead of pursuing my dream of moving to Los Angeles to work on a set.
I don’t know where I went wrong. Actually, that’s a bold-faced lie. It’s my tendency to stick with what’s familiar even when I’m unhappy because familiarity brings me comfort and a feeling of security and safety that I didn’t have as a child. I’m a typical sun in Cancer. Did I mention I’m also a Cancer moon? Fuck me and my emotions.
Even still, I know it’s time for a change. And not just the number on the scale. I don’t want to do life like this anymore. I took the first step by leaving Peter. Now, I want adventure. I want to love myself so obsessively that I don’t need external validation from anyone to know my worth and value.
So, here I go. Standing in front of this mirror, staring at my reflection with my almond-shaped, grey eyes wide open. Adjusting my crown and learning to love my chichos, fupa, saggy arms, and all.
Heights of Love Series (Spicy Romance Novel)
Catch up with the “Heights of Love” series before Reina’s debut! This spicy romance novel series follows the romantic lives of a tight-knit group of friends from Washington Heights, a primarily Dominican neighborhood in NYC. From friends to lovers to opposites attract to boss moves and Fireball shots at Vivere, their favorite bar, these multicultural characters play hard, love hard, and get frisky often. This series highlights the lives of Latinx in the city and all the twists and turns, misunderstandings, and passionate love affairs they partake in while searching for love in the Big Apple.