7 Ways to Fight Fair in Your Relationship
It takes two to tango and to rip each other to shreds when arguing. Here's how to fight fair in your relationship so it doesn't fall apart.
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Arguing with your partner is part of a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be dramatic. So, how do you fight fair with your significant other? Drs. Bob & Judith Wright, relationship experts and co-authors of “The Heart of the Fight,” dish on how to argue with your significant other without harming the relationship for good.
Don’t focus on the negative.
It’s difficult to argue with your love and take responsibility for your part in the mess. I mean, you’re perfect, right? Wrong. Drs. Bob and Judith recommend minimizing the negative. In other words, don’t fight with a nasty attitude, or worse — nasty words you can’t take back.
“Minimize the destructive, contemptuous fighting tactics like blaming, attacking, name-calling, sarcasm, and mocking,” the duo suggested. “No fight is perfect but low blows don’t get you anywhere.”
Be vulnerable.
If you’re constantly arguing with your partner, there’s probably pent up feelings that aren’t being addressed. Often, arguing about the overflowing garbage has more to do with feeling underappreciated than the actual garbage. So, when discussing the matter, share your true feelings.
“Be open, vulnerable, genuine, and truthful, and tell your partner why they truly matter to you.”
It takes two to tango.
Issues in a relationship are never just one person’s fault. To ensure accountability, the Wright’s recommend to “never take or give more than 50% of the blame.” It may not be easy, but you’ll have much more productive disagreements.
They can’t read your mind.
Last I checked, bae isn’t Tyle Henry from Hollywood Medium. Take responsibility for your own happiness and be clear about what you want and need in your relationship, especially when dealing with constant conflict. If you want something specific in your relationship, ask for it.
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Acknowledge the truth.
“Any time your partner says something truthful, acknowledge it,” the Wrights advise. Thank them for their honesty and make sure to validate their feelings.
“Practice saying, ‘You’re right…Good point…Hadn’t thought of it that way…’” And if you are wrong, admit it as well.
Fight for your relationship.
Instead of fighting against your significant other, go into an argument fighting for your relationship, if you wish to stay in it.
What does that look like exactly? Drs. Judith and Bob suggest asking yourself the following questions: what are you fighting for? Do you want to be heard, affirmed, or to matter? Do you want to be closer? Get a certain result?
When you know why you’re duking it out it’s much easier to find a solution.
Assume goodwill.
If you’re in a loving relationship and constantly arguing, that doesn’t mean the love is gone. Assume that of your partner. Don’t go into a verbal fight with ill intentions. Sure, you may be angry and say something hurtful, but if you’re aware enough and approach communication with goodwill, honesty, and positivity, the argument will be resolved much more quickly and positively.
In the end, resolving the issues in your relationship is what truly matters. If you learn to fight fair, you just might have a happy ending without unnecessary fireworks.