The Wedding Inquisition
Ways to survive wedding season single - because some people are annoying!
Hi! I’m Brandy! I’m happily cohabitating in Brooklyn with my boyfriend, Jalen. However, before I met him…it was a struggle! And I got stories for days. But through all the situations - and situationships - I learned a lot and grew into the woman that was ready to be in the healthy and happy relationship I’m in now. These are my reflections about life and love with my amazing squad of lady friends. Because breakdowns and breakthroughs happen in the group chat.
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“So why didn’t you go out for the bouquet toss?”
“What about that groomsman? He seems nice.”
“I can’t believe you’re not married yet!”
“Shouldn’t you be getting a ring soon?”
“Where’s your special someone?”
“Don’t worry. You won’t be single forever.”
“Maybe you should just propose to him.”
These are just the sprinkling of the questions my cousin, Gabby, and I got about a year ago at our cousin, Pierre’s wedding. At the time, I was single, fresh off another failed relationship, and attending the wedding solo, and Gabby was there with her long term boyfriend, Dev.
If you’re anything like us, and an unmarried woman of a certain age, then you’ve almost certainly heard these. The questions. The comments. The verbal assaults about your love life (or lack their of!). On the most important day of someone else’s life, somehow the attention has shifted to you. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the couple’s big day? So, what’s a girl to do?
All I ever wanted to do at those kinds of weddings was celebrate the love my dear friend or relative had found, sip some Champagne, and dance until the last dance. Meeting a handsome stranger would have been the icing on my single girl cake. So by the time I arrived at Pierre’s wedding, put on my 16th wedding guest dress, and slid into my black Jimmy Choos, I was about sick of the inquisition and not in the mood for any relatives, or nosy strangers, to be all up in my grill! Particularly about things they know nothing about.
And don’t you know someone tried it. A slightly tipsy older gentleman who is a friend of the family had the audacity to come up to me and dare to utter, “Why didn’t you go out for the bouquet toss, Brandy?” Being reminded of my back-at-square-one-do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-$200-post-breakup status stung. Needless to say, I was seething, but couldn’t come up with a PG-rated response that could be spoken in front of my grandmother! I simply smiled and said I was deep in conversation with my cousin. He then moved on to Gabby. “He still hasn’t married you yet?” Given she has a few years on me, she may have had more practice in these situations. Gabby quickly quipped, “Your wife hasn’t divorced you yet.” Then, turned back to our conversation with an eye roll.
If that wasn’t enough, there was a moment where Gabby, Dev, and I were taking a break from dancing and sitting at the table. The photographer came by and asked to take a photo. When I scooted over closer to Gabby, the photographer replied, “Oh you want to be in the picture, too?” Ouch.
So, what is it about weddings that make people think that with a cream-colored, calligraphy-lettered invitation comes an open invitation for their probing and prodding into your business? Perhaps it’s misguided good intentions of people who only want for you what they think you deserve. Perhaps it’s this societal notion that to still be single at a certain age is a crime against nature and if you haven’t reached married status you are in some way flawed. Or, perhaps it is some complicated mixture of both.
Regardless of the reason, we need to find a way to address the issue. My theory is that the questions won’t stop until we start providing answers that will halt the line of questioning. I’m going to go with the old standby that honesty is the best policy, whatever that means for you. Be empowered to tell your critics exactly what’s on your mind. Whether it is a witty quip or a statement about the other fabulous facets of your life, let them know.
“So why didn’t you go out for the bouquet toss?”
“I guess I didn’t notice. I was telling someone about my promotion.”
“What about that groomsman? He seems nice.”
“I’m sure he is, but I’m not interested.”
“I can’t believe you’re not married yet!”
“I can’t believe I haven’t traveled to Paris yet!”
“Shouldn’t you be getting a ring soon?”
“We’re in no rush. We’re enjoying this phase of our relationship right now.”
“Where’s your special someone?”
“My special someone is at home. I didn’t think puppies were allowed in the church.”
“Don’t worry. You won’t be single forever.”
“I know. I’m worth the wait.”
“Maybe you should just propose to him.”
“Is that what you did?”
And if that doesn’t work, just exit yourself from the conversation, get a refill on your drink, and find your way back to the dance floor.
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