5 Things Our Mommas Taught Us About Sex
From staying a virgin 'til...forvever...to protecting yourself, here are some words of wisdom about sex from some mommas.
Welcome to The Goods from Give Them Romance, where we dish on all things love, dating, and sex. Enjoy 5 Things Our Mommas Taught Us About Sex.
From how to sit when wearing a skirt to how to put on lipstick or rock natural hair, mothers often guide their daughters on all things love and life. Especially when we don’t ask for their “words of wisdom!”
My mom may not have taught me how to shave my armpits or how to establish boundaries with men (in all fairness, she didn’t know how to do that either), but she did teach me how to love fiercely and stand tall - literally. I have Mami to thank for my amazing posture and for how I take care of those that I love.
When it comes to sex, however, Mami, like many traditional Latinx moms, steered as far away from said topic as possible. What about other fellow BIPOC women? Is this a common experience? I asked what their mommas taught them about sex. A few shared their stories.
5 Things Our Mommas Taught Us About Sex
Use it or lose it…but don’t lose it too soon.
According to Siri, 41, from Orlando, she “had to stay a ‘señorita’” (virgin) for as long as possible. However, once sexually active, she had to get her freak on, so to speak. “I'd hear my mom and my dad say, ‘Use it or lose it!’ What. In. The. World?! I didn’t understand them!” We can only assume that her mother wanted her to remain pure…but not to become an old maid.
Protect yo self.
One loving mother drilled one thing into her daughter's head — protect yourself! Aside from condom use, Katey’s mom wanted her and her sister to be prepared for sex wherever and whenever it went down. “One time she looked at me and my sister after a few glasses of wine and said, ‘Girls, if you ever park with a boy on a hill, don't forget to set the emergency brake!’” Katey, 38, from San Francisco, shared. Safety first, ladies!
Messy drunk ain’t sexy.
Mami lectured me about my drinking too much when in the company of a man. There’s nothing worse than a woman “que anda boracha en la calle,” Mami warned. Translation: a drunk woman is a messy woman. She also warned of the dangers of drinking too much so as not to lose control and be taken advantage of. True that, Mami.
Sex should be fun.
“I’m not uncomfortable talking about sex because my mom was really open,” Jasmine, 40, from New York, said. She remembers how often her late mother would complain about men who couldn’t get it up and how unsatisfied she was sexually. “So sex has never been a taboo topic,” she shared. In fact, with her loud talk about sex toys, positions, and blow jobs, Jasmine is a lot like her late mother.
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Never speak about sex — ever.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have Bianca, a 26-year-old New Yorker with old-school Puerto Rican parents who believe in keeping all things sex mum. “I said the word sex one time and got a tap on the lip and told to never speak of that,” she said, “so I don't.”
Now that Bianca is an adult, her mother tries to joke with her about sex once in a while, but the damage has been done. “It makes me feel ashamed.” Unfortunately, not being able to speak openly about intercourse led Bianca to learn about it from the outside world. “I had to teach myself and that was harmful. I don't want that for my future daughter.”
So, ladies, let’s strip away the shame that comes with sex and embrace the ways of Jasmine and Katey’s mommas. Talk about sex, challenge taboos, and never ever shy away from questions, even if said questions knock you off balance.