Why Women Stay in Relationships When They're Unhappy
The comfort of being with someone familiar isn't the only culprit.
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La India has a lovely salsa that explains why women stay in relationships when unhappy.
“Yo tampoco tengo nada que sentir y eso es peor,” she sings, “pero te extraño…”
Translation: I don’t love you either, but I miss you! Because oftentimes, women remain in relationships even when unfulfilled because it’s just what we’re used to. La costumbre, she continues to sing, es mas fuerte que el amor.
Why Women Stay in Relationships When They’re Unhappy
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Many of us have remained (or still are) in loveless relationships, partnerships, and marriages. There are various logical reasons. Here are just a few.
Refuse to give up
Giving up on someone you love is no easy feat, even if it means putting your needs second. Jenna, 27, from Boston stayed in a relationship with then boyfriend, Jason, although he planned to move to Los Angeles to pursue his dream of working in the entertainment industry.
“I knew that wasn't for me,” admitted Jenna, “but there was love there, there was a connection, and I was willing to put my needs and priorities aside because I thought it would be worth it.”
She was also afraid to give up on him because he often mentioned that other girls had “thrown in the towel” on their relationship. Ironically, Jason ended their relationship after a year and a half.
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“It was hard to accept,” Jenna shared, “I knew what the end result was going to be, but I have a tough time quitting on people and on love.”
Women stay in relationships because of money issues
If you’re financially dependent on your significant other, chances are you’ll stay with them until your life is in order. That was the case for Helena, 25, from the Bronx. Unemployed, she couldn’t just leave the man she’s been living with for three years.
“I can’t afford to move, even though we fight all the time and are miserable together,” she acknowledged, “so I’ll stay until I can leave.”
That’s no way to live, but many women can relate to Helena. That’s why it’s essential for women to be financially independent so we don’t feel stuck in a loveless relationship.
Fear being single
Women also stay in relationships when they are unhappy because they fear being single. I can relate to this. One of my previous relationships was a dud — and so was the guy! Despite not having any sexual chemistry or an emotional connection, I stayed with him because I feared being single at 35.
It’s common. As Brian Howie, creator of The Great Love Debate put it, “lots of people would rather be in a wrong relationship than no relationship. Because they think it's a game of musical chairs and they're gonna get left without a seat.”
I didn’t want to be the last one standing! That’s why I stayed with the dud for a year.
Women stay in relationships for the kids
What’s worse than being single? For some women, it’s breaking up a family. Esther, 30, from Los Angeles stays with her husband even though she doesn’t love him anymore.
“My husband and I have been together for 14 years, almost a lifetime,” she shared. “I was young and naive [when we started dating], I believed that being submissive and trying to please him would make him happy.”
Their marriage, however, is less than perfect. “He is very machista and closed off,” Esther continued, “while I’m a free spirit and social.” They just don’t mesh, the mother of three admitted. And yet she stays for the children.
All that work you put in
“You’ve put in all that work and another woman is going to benefit? Hell no.”
That’s what Wendy, 38, from Miami said regarding breaking up with her significant other of 10 years. Her logic is simple albeit masochistic. As much as she wants to end her relationship, she just can’t fathom the idea of another chica enjoying the fruits of her labor.
“I’ve seen it before, “ she added. “So many women dump their guys and then he’s the perfect partner to the next chick. I refuse to go through that!”
So she stays. Although she’s unhappy and complains about his philandering ways, Wendy rather be with him than give him up to another — permanently. She should write a salsa song about it.